Does Mental Illness Make You Unlovable?

Does feeling depressed or anxious make you feel like you are unlikable? When you are not doing well, do you often keep it from others because you feel like they might judge you or think negatively of you? If you ever find yourself asking these questions, this blog might give you the answer you are looking for.

Since childhood, we have seen people react and respond differently to people who are unlike us or towards those who do not conform to societal expectations. Mental illness or the term mental health is something most of us learned when we became adults. Till then, all of us had internalized some behaviors and thought about the topic, and had preconceived notions about the same.

A mental illness is a condition that causes serious disorder in a person's behavior or thinking. When we are on the receiving or the other end i.e the person who does not or is not able to conform to societal expectations or the “typical way in which we should behave”, we feel guilty and “left out”. Mental health problems particularly depression and anxiety disorders affect our perception of self, and the way we think and behave. We feel extremely conscious of who we are and how other people will see us. Mental health conditions distort how a person thinks and feels about themselves and the world. They are unable to accept their problem and themselves. As a result, they start believing that it is difficult to love or accept them. 

Feeling unloveable is a “core belief” in psychology. A core belief is an assumption (that is hidden within us) we create about the world and consider as a fact. It can sound like: I am not good enough to be loved or I am too ugly/damaged to be loved. The core belief lives in your unconscious, where it can even encourage you to live from a perspective that it dictates. For example- If you feel that you are unlovable you might follow a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable people who are bound to leave sooner or later, this can reinforce your belief.

Imagine, if you have a healthy sense of self-esteem will you ever feel that you can not be loved?

Additionally, childhood trauma is a leading cause of adults feeling unlovable. Loss of a parent or sibling, being abandoned or neglected by a parent, or having a mentally unwell or addicted parent can cause trauma that might leave the child with a damaged view of themselves which might make them believe this.

If you are around someone who makes you feel unloved or unworthy because you are experiencing a mental health condition- it’s probably not worth having them in your life. A person’s worth does not depend on their ability to function well. 


Every one of us goes through tough times in life. You might feel that it is the end of the world and no one loves you. However, always keep it in mind to remind yourself that this is an irrational thought that is crossing your mind, it is not a fact-based on truth. Going through anxiety or depression or any other psychological condition doesn't make you unlovable—it makes you human.



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